Baby B turned 11 months today which means she is 1 in a months time this combined with the beginning of a new decade has made me think about the past few years. I can see myself partying away on the turn of the millennium, aged 16 with (not that I knew it at the time) a pretty good figure, single and happy. It seems like a lifetime ago. Since that night I have moved out of my parents house and into a flat, got a mortgage on a proper house, had several jobs, lost somebody truly amazing, been engaged to the wrong man, moved out of the house I owned, lived like a student with some lovely boys, met the man of my dreams, moved to a wonderful part of the world, got pregnant, moved back near the parents, had a baby and I'm now a SAHM. Wow! when I see it written down like that it seems an awful to have done in 10 years! Yet in some ways I still feel like that hot 16 year old skinny girl (it makes me feel good to say I was skinny and hot no matter how untrue it is) I look at my beautiful baby girl and I wonder how I can possibly look after her because I'm too young. On Christmas day, amidst the piles of torn wrapping paper, empty cardboard boxes and those silly little plastic tag things they insist on putting on ALL toys to make the rush of opening presents impossible, I suddenly wondered where my toast was? I was so used to my mum rushing around forcing us to eat something during the excitement, yes even when I was 25 she did this, that I hadn't realised I was the Mum... it was up to me to make us all eat. It felt very surreal.
I would love to return to that Millennium night and tell myself some things that I think would help me. I think they would be:
- Don't make yourself a life plan, you wont stick to it and you'll be disappointed. Just enjoy what comes your way and don't fret about what doesn't.
- You are NOT fat.
- Drink water, it's the best beauty product around.
- Don't do things just to please other people. You need to please yourself first.
- Listen to your heart. It knows the truth.
- Having a baby is amazing and you will have one when the time is right.
- Don't say yes.
- Treasure every moment you can with the ones you love, you never know when they'll end.
- Study hard and work harder. Don't be a dropout, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
- Put down that tub of ice cream.
- You are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you you're not.
Would I take my own advice I wonder? Probably not because I've always been a stubborn cow.