I need a lawn mower.

I'm sure there was a time when I looked sexy? maybe I'm disillusioned and peering through those rose tinted spectacles that hang around my neck like a noose but I'm pretty sure that in the not so distant past I looked, well, sexy.

I fear this time has gone and is never to return. I have just glanced at myself in the mirror and this is what I see: I'm wearing one of Mr B's football shirts which has a nice splattering of yoghurt over the front and a wonderful addition of slobber just above my left boob, the top is teamed with some very fetching and super comfortable chef trousers (also Mr B's) which have a nice patch of wee on the right leg that Baby B kindly left before going to bed. My hair is in need of a wash, I have no make up on and my legs need an industrial lawn mower on them. Isn't Mr B going to feel like a lucky man when he gets in!

I will admit I don't always look quite this slovenly, I do generally get dressed in my clothes, wash but maybe not brush my hair and have a small amount of make up on but I never look sexy anymore. I much prefer over sized cotton knickers to teeny tiny lacy thongs and rather than slipping into silky nighties, I'm much happier pulling on a mismatched pair of snuggly pj's and this made me wonder, is this a mum thing, an age thing or just a lazy cow thing?

Do other women (god I wish I could write 'girls' instead) look such a mess when they are sat at home or is it just me? Do some mum's sit at home in tight fitting jeans with perfect hair while filing their nails or is this only on Desperate Housewives? I'm sure I could get up an hour earlier each day and spend it shaving my legs, trowling on the make up and straightening my unruly hair so its unrecognisable to its natural state but if I'm truly honest I don't think I'm really bothered what I look like at home, Baby B couldn't care less if mummy is sexy and I know for certain Mr B prefers it when I wear a football shirt.. only he would prefer me to leave the pants off.

Don't Say Yes...

So over the festive season I have been sidetracked (read lazy) and have abandoned my beloved blog but I am back now and hopefully I haven't lost any of my wonderful wit and flair for the written word.

Baby B turned 11 months today which means she is 1 in a months time this combined with the beginning of a new decade has made me think about the past few years. I can see myself partying away on the turn of the millennium, aged 16 with (not that I knew it at the time) a pretty good figure, single and happy. It seems like a lifetime ago. Since that night I have moved out of my parents house and into a flat, got a mortgage on a proper house, had several jobs, lost somebody truly amazing, been engaged to the wrong man, moved out of the house I owned, lived like a student with some lovely boys, met the man of my dreams, moved to a wonderful part of the world, got pregnant, moved back near the parents, had a baby and I'm now a SAHM. Wow! when I see it written down like that it seems an awful to have done in 10 years! Yet in some ways I still feel like that hot 16 year old skinny girl (it makes me feel good to say I was skinny and hot no matter how untrue it is) I look at my beautiful baby girl and I wonder how I can possibly look after her because I'm too young. On Christmas day, amidst the piles of torn wrapping paper, empty cardboard boxes and those silly little plastic tag things they insist on putting on ALL toys to make the rush of opening presents impossible, I suddenly wondered where my toast was? I was so used to my mum rushing around forcing us to eat something during the excitement, yes even when I was 25 she did this, that I hadn't realised I was the Mum... it was up to me to make us all eat. It felt very surreal.

I would love to return to that Millennium night and tell myself some things that I think would help me. I think they would be:

• Don't make yourself a life plan, you wont stick to it and you'll be disappointed. Just enjoy what comes your way and don't fret about what doesn't.
• You are NOT fat.
• Drink water, it's the best beauty product around.
• Don't do things just to please other people. You need to please yourself first.
• Listen to your heart. It knows the truth.
• Having a baby is amazing and you will have one when the time is right.
• Don't say yes.
• Treasure every moment you can with the ones you love, you never know when they'll end.
• Study hard and work harder. Don't be a dropout, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
• Put down that tub of ice cream.
• You are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you you're not.

Would I take my own advice I wonder? Probably not because I've always been a stubborn cow.