Saturday, 3 October 2009

Don't pick up the hand grenade!

I have spent just over 7 months wishing baby B would discover how to move around without my assistance. I have watched her roll from back to front over and over only to cover a pretty short distance before crying because a/ she has got stuck or b/ she got bored. Well my wish came true, Baby B is well and truly on the move and I am a nervous wreck! before I can even blink she is headed towards the DVD player / fire / laptop / hand grenade (I mean plug socket but in my eyes its just as dangerous!) I spend what feels like hours following her around picking items up that I had never before viewed as dangerous. I suddenly realise how many sharp corners, hard surfaces and lethal gadgets are in our front room, everything is a hazard and when I look down and see her hand headed towards the AK57 (or my phone charger) my heart leaps into my throat and she just looks up and giggles totally unaware of the danger that faces her. Now don't worry, I have not gone completely insane, the sensible, reasonable part of me knows that by putting her hand upon a Sony Ericsson phone charger will not cause her harm in anyway but the Mummy part of me suddenly sees the charger cable wrapped around her neck and the plug part lodged in her throat... I can't help it. I just want to pick her up, wrap her in a tog 15 tog duck down duvet and place her in a cot with inflatable sides, although if the cot is inflatable it could burst and she could roll out and bang her head and actually 15 togs is clearly far too heavy so she might just suffocate....

I have decided to spend an entire week 'baby proofing' our house, I need a stair-gate, a fire guard, socket protectors, corner guards, a fridge lock, a drawcord shortner, a radiator cover, a stop slam, a stove guard (I am googling baby safety as I write this) and a Beefeater from the Queen. I can see this list is going to get extremely long, I have only been on one page of one website and there are things I hadn't even thought I would need. Shatter paper for glass... I didn't even think of broken windows.

I am starting to think that I could take this to the extreme, I have just seen a baby helmet for sale on on one website, if I bought this would I actually have to leave it on her all day long just in case? I'm not saying I would ever take risks with Baby B's safety but maybe I'll just lock up the electric cables, cushion off the sharp corners and take any other dangers as they come.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Bandage Babies.

I was reading my usual 'high-class' literature (read New! magazine) the other day and in the problem pages (because lets face it these are usually the best bits to read!) there was a letter from a girl of 27 who was having problems with her husband and so she was thinking of getting pregnant to bring them closer together and it made me wonder, how many people actually do this? How many fighting struggling couples decide that bringing a tiny third person into their lives will save their relationship? because I'm pretty sure it would never work!

When I fell pregnant I was, in this order, shocked (I was lead to believe I could not have children), terrified, excited, worried, happy. She wasn't planned but I, no, we had faith in our, relatively short relationship of just over one year, to know we could do it. I think if we hadn't been 100% sure of each other, the pregnancy would have ended us let alone actually having the baby. With my mood swings and irrational requests, Mr B had to have the patience of a very mild-mannered Saint on Prozac and had to love me more then he ever thought possible in order for us to survive. Then of course once Baby B arrived a whole new set of challenges awaited, no matter how much of an angel your little one is, you are bound to feel irritable and exhausted, you have a whole batch of new hormones to deal with and if you're like me then you believe nobody else in the whole world can look after your new little bundle like you do, no one puts their nappy on properly, feeds them right, holds them the way they like, not even your beloved other half does it right. Then you have the endless list of decisions that now face you: when does baby move into own room? when do you start weaning? who minds baby when you are lucky enough to go out? what socks does baby wear today? every single decision becomes a joint one and how hard must that be if 9 months ago you would have rather eaten a horses hoof than agree with your husband?

In my, quite possibly wrong, opinion, a baby shouldn't be used as a bandage to a failing relationship. Turning your marriage into a threesome will not save your relationship (unless the third person is not a baby but perhaps someone called Fabio or Candy....) Children are a precious gift they are not a first aid pack filled with magical remedies.