Sunday, 1 November 2009

Now Where Did I Put it...?

I am now officially a stay at home mum, although before you think I'm a very lucky lady to be able to have the luxury of staying at home with my angel all day, it is through necessity not ability. I had to leave my previous job as the hours were impossible to fit into our new life and I am unable to find a new one.

At first the whole SAHM thing seemed amazing, I get to spend copious amounts of time with baby b while catching up with friends over a nice lazy lunch or I could spend whole afternoons shopping at leisure, idyllic? except the reality is I spend most of the day chasing round after a 8 month old who likes to touch everything she shouldn't, I can't meet friends for lazy lunch or shopping because they are in work and the other vital flaw in me being a SAHM is that I am unemployed i.e no wage and I miss work. Not the actual 'work' bit (I'm not completely insane!) but I miss the comaraderie of the workplace, I miss the day to day exchange with colleagues and customers alike, I miss gossiping over a cup of tea, I miss dressing up in every piece of jewellery from the lost property box and pretending to be gangster, I miss the quiet late nights laughing at the weird customer who just stumbled into reception (I'm starting to think I shouldn't show any future employers this...) I had never realised until now how much my job shaped me as a person, I was never a girl who's job was their life or anything, I didn't do a super important serious job but it was the kind of job that provided conversation, a place where something was always happening and I thrived on that. Now I kind of feel a bit, well, lost? like a little bit of me has disappeared and I'm not sure where I've put it? but I also know if someone came up to me tomorrow and offered me the perfect job I would hesitate, because being a mum is actually pretty perfect in itself.

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